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The problem was, I could never say no, not to anyone. I even struggled with saying no to my cat. My life reflected my assertiveness deficiency. At age 26 I was deep in debt from lending money to desperate friends. My schedule was cluttered with activities I dreaded. As a result, I was having trouble […]

Sometimes when I do something embarrassing I have a powerful impulse to withdraw into the shadows and disappear. Sometimes I withdraw to a place of imagined safety until I remember that safety can be a death trap far more dangerous than exposure, criticism or ridicule. Specifically I remember “Field Day” in the sixth grade. Some

Nothing ever goes exactly as I plan. For example, I had planned to release my novel The Ghosts of Chimera this summer. However, when I looked over the content edits from my editor, I saw that they diverged sharply from my vision of the story. Consequently, I am no longer working with my original publisher,

There is no right or wrong way to feel when writing. I sometimes have to remind myself to remove the pressure to feel happy while writing. Writing is hard enough without the pressure to feel euphoric. Writing is something I do because I choose to do it, regardless of my mood, over which I have

There is a Miss Manners school of thought when it comes to writing instruction that appears in many books, articles, and advice interviews from editors or agents The attitude leaks out from the language they use. They will advise you to always show and not tell, then follow their injunction with the words, “Telling instead

In the writing process, experimenting and failing does not mean anything is wrong. In fact, failing means I am doing something right. I am learning what does not work. Nothing I write, no matter how “awful” it appears,is a waste of time. How I wish I had always known this. I used to always get

I once read advice from a novel editor who said, “There has to be a likable character other than the protagonist within the first couple of chapters or the reader will put the book down. The reader just won’t bother.” This assertion awakened my B.S. sensors. What about books about characters stranded on deserted islands

Guilt permeates my existence. It creeps into my dreams. Sometimes I feel guilty without knowing why and have to look for something to feel guilty about, invent something if necessary, to reassure myself that the intensity of my remorse has meaning. Naturally my cat uses my guilt against me. By accident I stepped on her

Recently someone accused me of being defensive. My response went something like this: “Me? Defensive? Who’re you callin’ defensive, yer defensive. Yo mama! Hrumph!” My critic rejoined that I should read the self-help classic How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I rolled my eyes. From all I had heard about the

For me, even the most well-intended criticism of my writing stings initially. An electric shock goes off in my brain. I can practically hear a buzzer going off, the kind used in game shows. It says, You are incorrect! Wrong. You have failed, failed, failed. After the initial shock, an unexpected transition sometimes happens. I