Note: I am going to start adding informal journal entries like this one, but I will continue to write articles too. This will give me a way to talk to you rather than at you, and it will give me greater flexibility.
January 1, 2013
2012 has just slipped away into the slagheap of history, never to be experienced again, but only remembered.
It was a year of big surprises. Due to a financial crisis, I was forced to write for money. While I have always written for myself, I had confidence issues about writing under pressure that went back to the belief that writing required a magical, elusive mental state. I am over that now, so writing for others it not the impossibility I imagined.
At first there was fear, but then exhilaration that I was doing it. Although the pay was absurd at times, I was still doing something I had always wanted to do: to earn money writing.
2012 was also the year that I finally let someone read my new novel. My novel ended my creative dry spell and the challenge of writing it was so great, I think of it as my Doctorate Degree in writing. It taught me processes that I can use in any of my creative work.
After finishing my novel, I wrote and published A Trail of Crumbs to Creative Freedom to codify my writing process. My main purpose of writing it was so I would never be blocked again. I wanted to remember exactly what I was thinking when I rediscovered my creativity after a long dry spell. I wanted to fully understand the dynamics of feeling stuck, so I would never fall prey to them again.
It worked. I have not been blocked, but during times of low confidence or feeling pressured, I have gone back and reread parts of “Trail,” and it has made me feel better.
Another great part of 2012 has been starting this blog. Having an audience inspires me. When I was working on my novel and thought I had written something well, I did not feel free to share it with anyone until my entire novel was done. Now I can get instant feedback.
The best part of having a blog has been people who have read my posts about writing saying that it inspired them, or that it helped them get unstuck. At first I was afraid that I was telling too much, that I was strengthening my competition. In reality, sharing my writing insights has only made me happy. I know how painful it is to want to enjoy writing, but not be able to.
2012 was the year I discovered Reddit too, although I have been blacklisted for “spamming” my blog.
For anyone unfamiliar with Reddit, it is essentially an on-line bulletin board where anyone can post anything: links, comments, photographs, or videos. Readers either up-vote or down-vote content, and the up-voted ones ascend to the top of the bulletin board, while the down-voted ones descend.
My post on The Oatmeal was wildly successful and garnered 500 Reddit views, 40 comments, and 112 up votes in an hour. Then a moderator kicked me off for “spamming.”
I really resent being called spam. My posts are not pinkish blobs of mushy meat. I work hard on them. I have worked as much as eight hours – or more – on some of my posts. When I spend that long trying to get two pages of text just right, I want people to read them.
I have not urged anyone to buy anything from me in the posts I have submitted to Reddit, and I have made no money blogging. I am submitting free content.
And yet “spam” suggests that I am somehow ruining the Reddit experience – but if people like my content, how is that the case?
“Reddiquette” confuses me.
With or without Reddit, I love blogging and I want to do it forever. Every day, I am just happy that I can write and that I overcame the hangups that plagued me in the past.
The future seems uncertain right now. Upheaval is on the horizon. I may not even be living in the same part of the country when 2014 gets here. I am teetering on the precipice of the unknown – excited, scared, and curious.
But I think as long as I can write, I will have a way to cope with any change. Writing is my stability amid constant flux. I have noticed that the rockier my life becomes, the more I need writing. It is a refuge and an island of sanity.
For that reason, no matter what happens or where I end up, I am going to keep blogging. Thanks to everyone who has been reading my posts or encouraged me, and have an excellent New Year.